David Coote Is a Hero in This House!
Or maybe just a lesser villain.
Cootegate! Cooteghazi!
We’ve witnessed the comprehensive public destruction of a Premier League match official this week. The drip-drip of incriminating videos has likely doomed David Coote’s career just days after he refereed LIVERPOOL vs ASTON VILLA at Anfield on Saturday. It may have been his last match as a top-level official, but what has he done to earn the professional gallows? What grave crime?
Well, in the first place, he said Liverpool’s performance in a particular match was “shit” and that their beloved former manager, Jürgen Klopp, is a “German cunt.”
This was (incredibly) followed by a separate video in which The Sun reports Coote can be seen snorting a line of white powder in a hotel room at EURO 2024, where he was working as a video assistant referee (VAR).
The Liverpool faithful are up in arms, understandably, and maybe—if the allegations above are proven—Coote should go down for this. But I got a kick out of a BBC write-up that worried the incident “will provide fuel for the conspiracy theorists who believe that any decision made against their team is provoked by a grudge, personal bias or dislike of their particular club.”
Here’s a conspiracy theory for you: What if Premier League refs went over to freelance on some matches (at who knows what rate!) in a country whose vice president-slash-deputy prime minister just happens to own the Premier League’s dominant team? Does this not introduce fuel for conspiracy theorists at a level at least comparable to Coote’s sofa-chat honesty about how much he dislikes a manager he feels was an asshole to him? I certainly care more about the freelancing than Coote’s alleged drug use. Even taking into account the poor judgment to videotape it and the possibility it could open him up to blackmail, I’d rather Coote was snooting toots than accepting money from entities closely connected to the ownership of a Premier League team.
This scandal feels like a godsend for the PGMOL and ref chief Howard Webb, though. They can make an example of Coote without addressing the systemic issues in English refereeing: the arbitrary and inconsistent decisions, the vibe-murdering VAR work, the fact they’re still doing geometry to adjudicate offsides decisions after missing their own deadline to implement semi-automated offsides, their habit of coming into every season with some new initiative that’s more concerned with making people Respect Them than getting decisions right and facilitating free-flowing, no-nonsense top-flight football. Why deal with all that when the fates have served you up a sacrificial lamb? You can spit-roast him on your TV show.
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The podcast is off this week because I can’t get worked up about an international break without Kasey Keller involved. But there are a few matches you might find are worth your time…..
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FRIDAY
URUGUAY vs COLOMBIA
7pm ET, 12am UK
Here’s a match that matters between two serious outfits. The South Americans seem to have no time for the Nations League with their absolute gauntlet of a World Cup qualifying schedule, and this is third hosting second in the qualification table.
Colombia have roared into life over the last couple of years thanks to a golden generation of players—think Jhon Durán and a reborn James Rodríguez—while Uruguay are still a decent side even after the departure of their own golden cohort. This one has some extra spice after the tumultuous Copa América semifinal these two contested in the summer, one which devolved into a scrum in the stands and remonstrations at the center circle.
SATURDAY
WSL: TOTTENHAM vs ARSENAL
8:45am ET, 1:45pm UK
It’s the women’s North London derby, as Arsenal try to piece together their season after a poor start and a managerial resignation. They’re still five points clear of their rivals coming into this one and will expect to taste victory, even away from home. Spurs have been shipping goals to all comers, with 18 conceded in 7 matches.
STOCKPORT COUNTY vs WREXHAM
10am ET, 3pm UK
If it’s an international break, it’s a good time to check in on League One. The Hollywooders of Wrexham venture up to Greater Manchester to face another ancient outfit. Stockport were founded in 1883 as Heaton Norris Rovers, and they share a nickname with Luton Town—The Hatters—based on the two villages’ (apparently rival) hat-making industries. Old English as they may be, however, they’re 19 years younger than their Welsh guests, and far less grandly funded.
WSL: CHELSEA vs MAN CITY
12:30pm ET, 5:30pm UK
It’s a title clash in the Women’s Super League, as leaders Man City visit their now-perennial rivals with just one point separating the two at kickoff. Nearly half the Sky Blues’ 16 goals this season are Bunny Shaw’s, while Chelsea have spread them around to far greater effect. They’ve got 23 through six matches and have conceded just three, one fewer than City.
NETHERLANDS vs HUNGARY
2:45pm ET, 7:45pm UK
Here’s a Nations League encounter between two decent sides who are level on five points in “League A Group 3.” What are the implications of the result here? I don’t know or care, but maybe they’ll play some decent stuff along the way.
SUNDAY
ENGLAND vs IRELAND
12pm ET, 5pm UK
If you’re going to stage a Nations League, you may as well pit a couple of old, bitter enemies against one another. England are firm favorites, despite a number of key players opting out of international duty—much to Harry Kane’s chagrin—but could the Republic of Ireland do the unthinkable? If so, it might just cause the English media to spontaneously combust.
ITALY vs FRANCE
2:45pm ET, 7:45pm UK
Two great footballing powers meet again, though this is hardly the World Cup final. It’s the Nations League A, Group 2, and it’s actually kind of stacked when you take into account that Belgium is thrown in there with them. Again, I cannot communicate to you the stakes here, but hopefully they’ll play some good stuff?
MONDAY
USA vs JAMAICA
8pm ET
At last, a Nations League match with discernible meaning. They’re at the quarterfinal stage in North America, and this is the second leg pitting Mauricio Pochettino’s USMNT against the Reggae Boyz. They Americans ran out 1-0 winners in Kingston on Thursday night and now will look to book their place in the semis with another decent performance in St. Louis. It would be a very small first step if the Argentine wants to turn this team into a genuine force.⚽︎